You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
