I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think my vagina is haunted
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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