so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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