looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
