I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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