Porn is love you can see.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
