Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
