You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
