I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
