I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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