I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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