i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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