And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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