My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
