this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
