I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
