Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
