I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
