Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
