you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
