one might say we're banned from that church
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
