Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
