I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
