He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
