I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
