I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
