You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
