Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
