P.S. I can't hear my feet
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
