I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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