K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
