Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
