I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
