I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
