Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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