There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
