just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
