my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
