I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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