As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
