She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
