Sober January is a disaster.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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