can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
