i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone owes me an orgasm
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
