lets start a swedish sibling band together
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
