He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
