No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
