Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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