I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
