in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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